I met Sam Lison in 1999. I was an American middle class newly religious Jew married unhappily for about 8 out of 18 years to a divorced mother of two, Hungarian speaking Romanian, child of Holocaust survivors, who was still embroiled in high conflict exchanges with her ex-spouse concerning the two older boys out of four in our blended family. I had married her while in White Knight in Shining Armor mode, devoted to protecting Leah and her kids against the ravages of a cruel world. I had mistaken her sharp tongue and wit for intelligence in her “conflicts” with her nuclear family, only later to understand I was celebrating her Pathology on Parade.
I had fallen from great professional heights that had me traversing the globe first class representing major companies in sales and business development positions. I found myself unable to function, look for work, put one foot ahead of another, get help from my wife whom I had expected to honor, respect, and support me as I did her. In fact, this woman only had contempt for every fiber of my being.
The world around me looked bleak. I felt as if I were trapped on the surface of the moon. Stark death all around…in the sun I would broil, in the shade I would freeze, no air to breathe, no water to drink, every slow step hindered as if by molasses. Nothing could take root and grow. Dust, and death, blinding light of the surface, stark darkness in the heavens.
I sought help finding motivation to continue living, learning how to put one foot ahead of the other. I thought I could learn from someone how to go about effectively pulling myself out of the hole I was in.
After a few meetings, Sam surmised that my life was in zevel. The idea that I could focus upon strategies for economic survival while being treated like a dishrag at home was hopelessly naïve. I had to effect basic changes that challenged the “constellation” I found myself in. I was the comet, who when on the orbit in towards the sun, would throw down money and then head out again. I was not in fixed orbit. There was no room for me. My soul needed nurturing. I had to disrupt the constellation and get that love back.
I remember how fearful I was of that diagnosis. I remember telling Sam that I was afraid to “disrupt” the constellation, because in doing so, I may have to take on the responsibility for divorce.
Sam doesn’t remember telling me that his response at the time was: Your job is to change the dynamics. I’ll (Sam) take responsibility if it leads to divorce.
The inevitable happened. Sam was there to teach me how to re-establish communication with my kids and be authentically myself. Sam was there supporting my efforts at developing brain wave entrainment protocols to treat certain chronic conditions. Sam was there to help me interpret the bizarre manner in which I sought out love, enabling me to acknowledge the legitimacy of things I was doing to heal myself.
I’m now remarried, living in the States, rather than rotting in a grave in Israel.
I give Sam a lot of credit. He set the new gold standard for me in effective therapy.
